Kikyou's Shadow
by Juki
Summary: Song fic - Cry (Faith Hill). After Kagome witnesses Kikyou kiss Inuyasha, this is how she may feel... RR


Kikyou's Shadow

By: Juki

                                    Truth. At its utter primal hate, mere daggers to her heart. Irrelevant. Reduced to destiny's fate, as a shadow, unseen, untouched, unheard...her cries inaudible, her tears unseen...her heartache intangible... "_His purpose_..._lies in seeing me._" Her eyes swept into denial's embrace, that gossamer descend to a close...so the overflowing tears can be quelled. 'I don't belong here...' She permitted herself to think in a state of inevitable betrayal. "..._I never stopped thinking about you, not even for an instant_..." Not even to breathe? 

The hooked talons of his confession ensnarled her heart and seized her thoughts, the bitter reality had always loomed over her, she is but a fracture of what was so unjustly shortened by perilous malevolence. 'What about me?' She wished to ask yet her tongue failed her, as did words, mere words cannot begin to weave that colorful palate of sorrow. The loss sense of her physical body deteriorated into a thoughtless reprimand, what can compare to the agony instilled in the unstoppable abyss of darkness that is her heart?

                        "_I can't save you_..." 'Neither can I...I, I can't save myself either...' She beckoned with the yearning of her gaze towards the marring image of their glorious kiss. The gentle sweep of his eyes to that distant nostalgia, the hands, which belonged there, caressing the infinite enigma of his sleeping face. "_I can't do anything to help you_..." 'Yes you can, Inuyasha...' Her tempest mind screamed, 'Just open your eyes...and please tell me you can see me...' "..._except stay like this_..."

To the memories that can never be forgotten. To the cruelty of rebirth. To the living shadow mirrored off the ashen gleam of her desk lamp. To herself. "_Inuyasha_. _Never forget_. _Remember the feel of my lips against yours, for it was real_." The marriage of their flesh, even if it were but a dream, it would be real. It has already immortalized through his confession, it will live forever, maybe not in his mind, but in hers and hers alone. "_I don't suppose I can have both of them_..." She laughed, his feigning naivety... 'You already have...she lives in your heart, in your soul, in your mind...I live...by your side...in your eyes...'

                        _If I had, just one, tear running down your cheek_...__

_            Maybe I could cope, maybe I'd get some sleep_...

_                                    If I had one moment at your expense_...__

_                        Maybe all my misery would be well spent_...

                        Shards of dancing fire ignited within the chasm of the broken debris of the four souls playfully gliding in her palm. This key, the originator of pain and misery, once enveloped within the sacred temple of her body, shimmered innocently beneath the benevolent flight of artificial sun. Restlessness, the direst fuel to hatred, to jealousy...to pain. She nestled her head into the refuge of her arms as her fingers gripped the tabletop for release. "Inuyasha..." She exhaled that wonderful name, which brought nothing but a beautiful mirage.

            Mesmerizing sway of the golden pin, the monotonous tick of the clock, the rustle of the summery wind...silence is deafening. Each passing moment equivalent to her life spent in color, but her heart is so fatally drawn back home, back to pain...that dangerous wager for his love...she had grown to love that faded kingdom...grown to love the whimsical role as a shadow of the love he so unjustly lost, shadow of that opportunity so wrongly denied...shadow of the woman, which still lives in his heart.

                        _If your love could be caged_..._honey I would hold the key_...

            _And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you've handed me_...

                                    _I gave now I'm wanting something in return_...

                        _So cry just a little_..._for me_?

                                    "_I don't suppose I can have both of them_..." Disgusting resonance of his will...and he could not spare a mono love, she loathed his fidelity...and his inability to let go... Kikyou could not understand his loyalty, for she is his first love, he had betrothed his life to her...and the repercussion of that covenant...powerful, unyielding...she could still feel it, sense it, live it...she wished she could reach through the echo of his promise and imprison that moment he vowed...and live in that state for eternity. She averted her gaze from the broken shard, she may never possess that promise...because he is a scrupulous man...

                        "_You're not alone_..._I'm right here with you_." He captured her moment of weakness with that unwavering temptation. Yet, at that shattering instant, it no longer seemed enough. So what if his body belonged to her? It would be but an empty cadaver without the passionate fire of his soul. "How about you look for the sacred jewels on your own?" She retraced those sickening words of departure, the enticing taste of bitterness is still there despite the infinite stretch of time since then. "_You're the only one who can find the jewel shards._" He confirmed. "That really is the only reason you need me..."

                        _If you'd cry just a little_...

            _Die just a little_...

                                    _I would feel just a little less pain_...

                        _I gave now I'm wanting something in return_...

                                    _So cry just a little_..._for me_?

            Unbreakable tremors, when had it grown so cold? The warmth of his presence subsided to the tyrannous bombardment of reality without him...and his aura slowly stripped away. A thought. A fear. Solitude is a frightening veracity in her eyes, more so than living life as the shadow of the past. "You're going to take her back. It's only expected...I'm such a fool..." She admitted, turning her eyes from the world altogether and secluded herself in the black paint of closing eyes. She will forever be by his side, and she will always be that shadow no matter how bright the sun will be.

                        "_I wish for a heart_. _The heart of a man whom I can never allow to forget me_." Her fingertips grazed across this selfish arrow, which had plunged so sickeningly between them...and she marveled at its ultimate meaning. 'I...I wish for his heart too...' She confessed through the somber tread of tears gently seeping through the clamped obsidian velvet of her eyes. Catching her own tears, she sighed, if Inuyasha will only allow his heart to die just a little...to shed the callused skin of Kikyou...

                        _Could you cry just a little_?

            _Lie just a little_?

                                    _Then I would feel just a little less pain_.

                        _I gave now I'm wanting something in return_...

                                    _Lie a little_..._just for me_?

            Time once again, unfathomable time, conjoined as one river through the pelt of indigo fantasy. In the immobile state of frozen time she could feel the intimidating stillness of her very own denial. Deltas of time's stream softly drained from the auburn tranquility of sunset and familiar grays. The reaming breath of ethereal and coppice, then the marvelous orchestra of nature's song. She climbed the coarse entrance to this world and abruptly entered into her phantom love. She perched herself at the gaping mouth of the dry well and basked in the dying strands of sunlight beading over the open terrain.

                        He had waited for her and he approached her. Along with him, he tugged at the borders of night, furthering its boundaries and drew the velvet curtains of darkness over the bleeding star. She wallowed shyly in awkward beauty and hope, he had almost forgotten the gratifying wash of peace. "Kagome..." He called, splendid ocher orbs unraveling the enigma to show but a defeated man who has yet to learn to read the scripture of his own heart. She stirred from the intensity of his gaze and uneasily diverted her own to cage this moment together. "I thought you might need me..." She said and watched as her shadow slowly vanished into the night he brought along with him. She...slowly vanished into the night that he brought...Kikyou's shadow faded along with her.

            She offered a saddened smile as he caught her tears with his fingertips. "Kagome..." He echoed and reclined as his heart gently withered away. He could not find the will to reciprocate such a strained smile and only stared off in awe at his second chance. "You're right...I do need you." He admitted, and his words bound her forever to his side and she sighed. It passed...the pain passed away, as did the mild envy of Kikyou...but the sorrow will forever taint her affection towards him. Sweetness of night conquered the feral truth of daylight and kindly blurred the edges of reality to suit the brittle hearted. As for shadows...they don't exist in the night...


End file.
